Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

Under the foray that is my wedding planning brings back fond memories for me of my first wedding. Back then it was much simpler than latter weddings, perhaps due to the small size of our family at that point. It was the fall of 1936 and we had settled in the town of Hoquiam, Washington. The country was still feeling the aftermath of the depression and a solemn feeling hung in the air.

Emmett had been in our family a little over 18 months at that point in time and he had an effect on all of us, myself being the most obvious. He had pulled me somewhat from the dark depression that hungover me regarding my own change- his energy being oddly what I needed and me, being what he needed, someone to tell him when enough was enough. The speed of our courtship worried the rest of the family; he had been with us just over a year when he proposed on what would have been my 21st birthday. The ring was simple, compared to my first one but the thought and care from whom this one came from meant so much more to me than diamonds and jewels. As we were both still regarded as newborns, Emmett especially, we were told any wedding service would have to wait till he was ready to be around a priest or minister for a prolonged period. But not wanting to wait any longer than we had to, we came up with an idea a much more personal one, to ask Carlisle to marry us. That way the service would be exclusively family only, once we had his blessing and approval we began to prepare for a service in our home.

It was on a rare trip into town with Esme that I spotted the dress I wanted to become Mrs McCarty in; it was a simple gown, not lavished with pearls and finery, instead it consisted of white silk with a lace overlay and a simple pink sash around the waist. Going against the fashion of the time I decided to opt out of wearing a veil, instead choosing to wear a pair of vintage hair combs that had been in the window of the local pawn store. I had got my something old and something new sorted now for the wedding, and was just missing my something borrowed and something blue. These came courtesy of Esme, a pair of sapphire earrings to compliment my dress.

Soon the summer months of our engagement had passed into the rich warm colours of fall and the day of the wedding arrived. As I sat in front of the mirror, adjusting my simple up-do for the fourth time the realisation hit me. I was actually going to be married; it was no longer a fantasy in my mind. Foolish doubts began to fill my mind, nerves finally getting to me, what if I disappointed Emmett, what if my old insecurities returned? But before I could even scold my own stupidity there was a knock at the door to say the others were ready. Checking my appearance over for the last time I left the room, ready to become Mrs McCarty.

The service was simple, held in what was our living room at the time, Esme and Edward as witnesses and Carlisle marrying Emmett and I. As I descended the wooden staircase I was greeted by the sight of my Love in his best suit grinning up at me. I have could have blushed I would have been scarlet at this point, I joined him in front of Carlisle, taking his hand in mine. After exchanging our vows we exchanged rings, both deciding on simple gold bands before having our first kiss as man and wife. After pulling away from the kiss I remember smiling up at my Husband, yes Husband, I could finally say that, before Edward and Esme came to congratulate us. Our reception, if you could call it that was quaint, us sharing our first dance on the patio outside the house, the piano providing the music. I forgot about the rest of the family around us and focused solely on my Darling Emmett, knowing I’d found my forever.

The First Christmas

As I sit and write these words the memory of that Christmas comes back as if it happened just last week. It was Rose and I ‘s first Christmas together as a married couple, not long since my change. I was still new to the vampire ways and slipped up and made mistakes. It was two weeks before our Christmas when I slipped up and made one of these mistakes and caused the whole family to have to move. I felt terrible that they once again were having to redo their lives because of me. I especially felt bad for Rose, I knew she had become fond of the place we were living and having to move had upset her.

That Christmas Eve I was feeling down so I decided to have a talk with Carlisle about everything. Being the loving father he is, he offered me words of advice and reassured me that people make mistakes. He offered a hug and promised that him and Esme would love me no matter how many times I screwed up which resulted in a laugh from me. The protective side of Rose came out in me and I blurted out that maybe it would be better for Rose though if I left. That maybe her life would be easier if I was not around causing trouble for them an her. I spoke the words at the wrong time because Esme was walking in as I let the last word loose and she went all mother hen on me. She blocked the door and told me that it wouldn’t make anyone’s lives easier if I left especially not Rose’s. That she knew how Rose felt for me and no matter what would always be there by my side. Her words struck my hard as stone heart and I knew it was the truth. I apologized once again for the move and they both said no apologies were needed.

Christmas morning came and my angel was dressed in a Mrs. Clause outfit being all cheerful with me. We had exchanged gifts when I looked up and felt the urge to apologize to her for everything. I nearly had a few words out when she pressed her finger to my lips and said shush. “Emmett Dale McCarty you have nothing to apologize for. You are my husband and are always forgiven.” I knew then that our love could survive any hardship. At that time Rose was still letting me into her world and those few words were the best Christmas gift ever. The rest of the day we spent together and with the family. We actually listened to Christmas music and sat around listening to Edward play Oh Holy night on the piano. My first Christmas with my new family and it was the best. I cannot wait for this Christmas when we marry again.

My past

Finding out I was married and had a child before my change was one of the hardest things I have ever been through. The emotions crippled me. Don’t get me wrong I have the most amazing wife ever, Rose is my angel but to think I had a child before just blows me away. Its not that I regret Rose finding me and helping I just feel like a part of me is gone. The part of me that my son would have filled. I guess I could find comfort in knowing that I did have a child and loved him for the short week we had together and that he lived an amazing life.

In the midst of finding out about Levi and Ann-Marie I searched my brain trying to remember why I left them that day and was in the woods. Memories flashed before me of that day and the week before. Levi was only a week old, a newborn. He shared my curly blonde hair and had chubby cheeks. Had his mothers eyes and smile. I was exhausted and needed fresh air so I decided to go hunting and quick hike which landed me in the woods on that eventful day. Deep down inside me I want to feel angry at myself for leaving them that day and for not remembering them but I just cant be. My lifeless heart tells me that my destiny was not with them but was always meant for Rose.

I did some quick research the other day to find out more about my past. I found out that Ann-Marie and I had grown up together and was childhood friends. Her father and mine were close friends. We had waited till we were both 20 before getting married. Our love was supposedly what fairy tales were made of but honestly it was more of an we are comfortable together and just makes sense love not like what we and Rose have. We were married nearly a month before she became pregnant with Levi. I was an avid hunter and lovers of sports, something I have obviously held on to.

Stumbling upon something surprising though I discovered that I was religious person. I went to church when ever there was a function and lived my life by the ways of god. Born into a southern Baptist family it was all I ever knew. Actually I don’t even see why it surprises me that much. Even In the state that I am in now I have always still had a piece of me that believed in god. Believed that even we can be forgiven. Knowing this I would feel so much closer to who I am if me and Rose were to marry in a church this time around. That we commit eternity to each other in front of god cause only god knows how much I truly love Rose.

Goodbye

An Ocean Of Emotions

Ever had one of those week’s where everything is hectic and you feel every range of emotion possible. Well that’s this week for me..

The emotions that ran through me as I read the newspaper article were intense. I started having flashbacks of a girl-strawberry blonde, freckles, you could definitely say she was pretty. I knew she had to be the girl mentioned in the paper Ann-marie. I don’t remember anything from my human life so those flash’s scared me. Why now and who is she. I know reading the name triggered these memories so she must be someone important. My mind has not stopped going over who she could be since I read it. My actions have hurt Rose and it pains me to see her upset but I cant help it. My whole being is drawn to finding out who they are. I have never been so close to maybe finding out a piece of who I am.

Then Alice and Jasper leaving us hurt. Losing family always feels like a piece of you is being taken. Not only was I hurt that they left but so angry at them for doing this to the family. When I found out the truth as to why they left I was slightly relieved. Mixed feelings about fighting with the Volturi took over me. Either it was fight for them or lose our freedom and so I had to do what had to be done. The thought of never seeing Rose again or my family not surviving struck me hard. I pushed forward and fought for them. Never have I been happier to have won something. The relief of living another day with my angel and seeing my family took over and made me so happy