My past

Finding out I was married and had a child before my change was one of the hardest things I have ever been through. The emotions crippled me. Don’t get me wrong I have the most amazing wife ever, Rose is my angel but to think I had a child before just blows me away. Its not that I regret Rose finding me and helping I just feel like a part of me is gone. The part of me that my son would have filled. I guess I could find comfort in knowing that I did have a child and loved him for the short week we had together and that he lived an amazing life.

In the midst of finding out about Levi and Ann-Marie I searched my brain trying to remember why I left them that day and was in the woods. Memories flashed before me of that day and the week before. Levi was only a week old, a newborn. He shared my curly blonde hair and had chubby cheeks. Had his mothers eyes and smile. I was exhausted and needed fresh air so I decided to go hunting and quick hike which landed me in the woods on that eventful day. Deep down inside me I want to feel angry at myself for leaving them that day and for not remembering them but I just cant be. My lifeless heart tells me that my destiny was not with them but was always meant for Rose.

I did some quick research the other day to find out more about my past. I found out that Ann-Marie and I had grown up together and was childhood friends. Her father and mine were close friends. We had waited till we were both 20 before getting married. Our love was supposedly what fairy tales were made of but honestly it was more of an we are comfortable together and just makes sense love not like what we and Rose have. We were married nearly a month before she became pregnant with Levi. I was an avid hunter and lovers of sports, something I have obviously held on to.

Stumbling upon something surprising though I discovered that I was religious person. I went to church when ever there was a function and lived my life by the ways of god. Born into a southern Baptist family it was all I ever knew. Actually I don’t even see why it surprises me that much. Even In the state that I am in now I have always still had a piece of me that believed in god. Believed that even we can be forgiven. Knowing this I would feel so much closer to who I am if me and Rose were to marry in a church this time around. That we commit eternity to each other in front of god cause only god knows how much I truly love Rose.