Biggest Regret

There are many things I have did in my life that I do not regret, mainly because I do not remember most of my human life. As the new year is approaching though I am reminded of one event that I terribly regret. It lingers in my head and I think its because of how bad it makes me feel.

I sat today and told Rose the what happened the last new year of my human life. I saw her face change and I knew a part of her would be different to me now. She still loves me but I cant help but think maybe she is always going to be scared I am going to do it to her.

December 31st 1934

I just wanted to leave the house. Ann-Marie was a few months pregnant and I was going stir crazy being stuck in the house with her. I wanted attention and company from anyone besides her. Our lack of being in love was taking its toll. The marriage of connivance and friendship was wrecking our lives and with the life of a new child we were stuck.

A few of my friends came over and practically drug me out to a local party for the new year. It didn’t take much persuasion as I was practically dying to leave the house. At first I felt awful for leaving Ann-Marie home at by herself. Especially at such as a time as this but as the moonshine took its toll I didn’t give a care in the world.

The night went its way and I drowned myself in my favorite moonshine and cigars. My buddies and I played poker and it was if I never was married or had a child on the way. As I look back now I find myself a monster for that. I should have felt terrible for that but nothing. We joked about the ladies at the party and how they looked.

Through the night I kept glancing at a red head with green eyes, it was as if her lips were yelling at me to attack them. It could have been the moonshine or the encouraging horseplay from my buddies but I went over and hit on her. Placing my best boyish charm to her and offering a night she would never forget.

I awoke the next morning hung over and in the arms of some girl who I didn’t even know the name of. The walk home was terrible. I couldn’t believe I did that to Ann-Marie. Our marriage may have been based on friendship alone but she never deserved that. No our future son never deserved that. I never told her about that night but I tired to make it up in ways she would never know.

I was not perfect at all. I made many mistakes when I was human, this topping the list but now I feel different. I still make minor mistakes but Rose makes me strive to be better. Her love makes me want to adopt bunnies and shit. I don’t know if it even matters after doing that or if people will think I am bad for the things I did before but as long as Rose has faith in me then I am good.