What If...There was no bear

The bright sun shot through the tree’s as the warmth wrapped around me like a blanket. The silence of the woods eased my nerves to a point of happiness. The past week had been hectic with Levi being born. My easy, carefree life was now swamped with the hassle of taking care of a newborn. Not to mention my wife was more clingy than usual and I just needed the air. Three hours of hiking and hunting bliss. I ran into no obstacles that day or animals to kill but it was peaceful, enough to get me by.

Another long week passed, as nothing got easier. Ann-Marie and I fought every free minute when Levi was asleep or didn’t need our over look. He constantly was needing our attention, my world was over. Every thing that was mine was his. My immature actions sparked fights and often ended with me storming out. Her constant bickering was driving me crazy. Yes one week in and I already felt my world collapsing in. I was supposed to be the happy new dad but I was miserable.

A long month dragged on, more fights and hell. I left on a stormy night, leaving Ann at home with Levi. I had been working my ass off and taking care of Levi when I could but it was never enough for her. Even in my misery I tried to make her happy, anything I could to make up for my indiscretion on new years. That night though our fight was my braking point. I went to the local sleazy bar to have a few drinks with my buddies. The crisp moonshine was never ending and the ladies was in my site. Without a thought I worked my magic and ended up in bed with the most floozy blonde I could find. Not one bit of me felt sorry for doing Ann wrong, at least it was a few moments when my life was not an empty less shell.

Three more months passed, our home was no longer a home as well as our marriage was not a marriage. My days were spent slave driving at work, while at night I would come home to spend time with Levi before bed. As he fell asleep I would slip away to the bar with my friends. Skipping work one day while Ann was shopping I brought home a woman that I didn’t even know the name of. Her horrified face will always be imprinted in my head as she walked in on us. Ann packed her bags and left with Levi and never looked back.

A year has passed since Ann- Marie left me. My days are filled with endless work hours and nights filled with moonshine. My lonely home is no longer filled with the beams of sunshine from Levi except for occasionally. The happiness I though I might feel when Ann left never graced me as the despair of being alone set in. I missed the days of changing Levi’s diaper and having company. To my dismay no bottle of moonshine or no random woman could fill that void.

My fortieth birthday is here as I lay back thinking of my life. Nothing had been right since Ann left, well really nothing had been right since we got married. The only hope and good thing was Levi. His life was much easier than mine and I was proud of him. Painful regret seeps into my skin as I think about how I wasn’t there to help him every time he needed me though. Why couldn’t have I meet someone after Ann to make me happy. To help me realize how important Levi would be to me. I grew up to slow and everything moved to fast.

I can feel the last days of my life creeping up on me. The wrinkles of my skin is a clear sign to my age. Seventy harsh years has passed since I have walked this earth. Every day seemingly becoming more darkening than the last. My own son disowned me as I drowned my life away with alcohol. Ann- Marie moved on and acted as if I never existed. There are days when I contemplate ending it all but know it would be to much of a hassle. I deserved the hell I lived and whatever pits of it was left for me.

What if the bear would have never attacked me, would this have been my life? lonely and filled with despair, no Rose to brighten my days. Some may look at that bear attack as a bad moment but really how are we to know that it wasn’t a blessing. If not for it then I wouldn’t have my other half or the amazing family and friends that I do. What if?