Tco Halloween Bash

The Hardest Part:Part 2

From the first few moments of Rose and I interacting I had this minuet feeling in the back of my mind that something was off about her. That something she had been through had left an effect on her. Often I would watch her mannerisms around Edward and Carlisle, she would act almost scared like but I never knew why until a regretful move on my part brought her demons to light.

My throat was going through that familiar burn and I knew I needed to hunt, so I asked Rosalie to accompany me. She lead the way, as seeing I was practically a newborn and still needed help navigating my way to the best hunting spots. During the midst of my hunt I noticed Rose sitting on a rock watching me but I ignored attacking a bear and some how covering my self in blood. To tell the truth I was a total mess but yet Rose set upon the rock spotless as if she has just took a shower.

I turned to her when I noticed a faint laugh and then as it rose. She was laughing at me but I had no idea why. I probably had to ask her at least ten times why she was laughing before she teasingly gave in and told me it was because of how I looked. I myself thought how funny it was and burst out in a smirk a mile wide. Feeling flirtatious I started walking forward to Rose, joking with her that I wouldn’t let her stay clean for much longer. Being the air headed person I am I never noticed how uneasy she looked. I just kept walking forward closer and closer to her before jokingly jumping on her and pinning her down. I expected to look down and see her beautiful smile laughing but she was a stone. All expression on her face was gone, she didn’t move an inch. I started calling her name but she just laid there, it had me worried so I finally moved off of her. The moment she snapped out of her hysteria she ran back home.

The whole run back home I tried to process what I did or what had happened. Why had she froze on me. I knew something horrible had happened to her then, something so horrible I may never be able to understand it. When I returned home the family was in the living room minus Rose and I went into the dramatic story of what happened. As I explained that I was playing and pinned her down everyone went silent. The silence was eerie and explained so much more than words could have. My brain kept screaming that I needed to know, so I asked “what happened to her?” The room was silent for another moment before Edward answered that it really was not for him or anyway one else to tell but Rose. Anger flooded over me because he would not tell me but then understanding so I decided to find Rose and see if she would give me even a flicker of maybe to what had happened to her.

As my footsteps hit the stairs I ran through various ideas in my head as to how I would get her to open up to me. I heard Rose In the bedroom and entered to sit next to her. Before I managed to even say one word she started spilling tome what had happened. As I glanced over to her she stared at the ground, never once turning to face me and I knew what I was going to hear was hard for her to admit. As the details of her horrible experience were unfolded to me I became internally angry. I wanted to kill the ones who had hurt her and then I just felt sad. I wanted to help this angel who had been hurt and scarred forever. As she finished her story I kneeled in front of her placing my hand on her thigh. Rose finally faced me and the look on her face was one I will never forget. It raised the angry feeling slightly and I wanted to know where the men were but she told me they were dead. Part of me was grateful for that but part of me was jealous as I didn’t get to kill them with my own hands. Silence fell again and I understood she no longer wanted to talk about it. It has taken a long time ,but slowly over the years Rose has opened up to me even more. She is my angel and there is nothing I would not do for her. Her love and understanding completes me and that’s all I want to do for her as well.

Part 1 The Face Of Death

I do not remember any of the days before the one that would change my being but I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was the spring 0f 1935 and the forest was rabid with wildlife. I search my brain for the reason as to why I was there but it never comes. I do remember the sound of the birds chirping, the cool air comforting my face. Freedom of being alone and free to do as I please. It had recently rained and everything was green and the air was covered with the stench of dirt and water.

I remember the feeling of thinking something was behind me but I ignored it. As I continued on the trail I felt like nothing could bring me down and then I felt it. It was unbearable and horrible. My body was picked up and thrown to the ground and picked up again, furiously being thrown around. I tried hard to concentrate on what was causing the pain and throwing me around and saw it was a bear. My instincts kicked in and I tried to fight back but it was no use. He ripped through my body and clawed my face. I remember praying that he would stop or just finish me off. The pain was like a million knives stabbing me in every direction. The bear threw me down and I couldn’t move so I tried to squint to see my body. The only thing I could see was the mess of blood surrounding me and on me. I noticed the bear back up and thought to myself that it didn’t matter. I knew I was going to die. My body was lifeless, I couldn’t move and was on the verge of passing out.

As I laid on the blood drenched dirt I heard another muffled noise. My frantic mind reached the conclusion that another bear had come to finish off my carcass and that’s when I heard the commotion. The bears were fighting over who would get to finish me off. Secretly I wished that one would win already so it could finish me off, anything was better than the horrendous pain I was going though. I closed my eyes and a second latter I felt like I was flying. My body was moving but I knew it wasn’t because of me. I was dead or at least thought I was. My eyes were heavy and did not want to open but I fought to see. What I saw was the most beautiful angel that could ever live. She was taking me to god and I didn’t feel so bad anymore as long as I was in her arms.

The angel carried me to god and that’s when the burning began. Every inch of my body burned and I knew it was to good to be true, I was in hell. The burning was intense and more painful than the bear attacking me. I was able to open my eyes once during the burning and managed to catch a glimpse of my angel. My mind started screaming, why was the angel here? What had happened that had caused her to be by my side in hell. I started to hear murmurs and realized it was gods voice. He kept coming in and out checking on the beautiful angel. I remember screaming in my head at him. I was terrified that he was going to send the angel away from me. That I would have to suffer through the unbearable burning of hell without her.

When the burning subsided and I was able to speak I was at a lost of words to what had happened. The angel and god explained everything to me. When they explained that I was no longer human it didn’t even register in my head. I wasn’t angry or the least bit upset, part of me was excited. They were shocked at how well I took the news but the same thing kept pounding in my head so I explained to them why I wasn’t upset. I felt like if they were both vamps then it couldn’t be so bad. I think back now to those days and always find myself amazed. I had my troubles at first, with the rules but everything worked out. Some believe this life we live is hell, to that all I have to say is “hells not so bad when you get to keep an Angel with You.”

A childs voice

Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father-Lydia Marie Child

I cannot count on one hand or two how many times I wish I was one of those blessed men. How I wish I could hear a little boy or sweet gentle girl call me her father. I have spent many a night imagining a sweet little girl with Rose’s cute nose and curls, my cheeks and humor. Imagining her curling up in my lap beside Rose and falling asleep, our daughter.

I drift off to a distant memory I hold of pain and anguish. It was a cheerful day and we had decided to finish some Christmas shopping that needed to be done. The stores in Port Angeles were busy with last minute shoppers and their children. Everywhere we looked little boys and girls were dressed in their Christmas apparel anticipating the arrival of Santa. Rose hurryingly finished paying for our stuff and we headed home. I watched as she went upstairs and I unloaded the gifts, some how managing to carry them all upstairs at once. Approaching the door I heard tearless sobs drifting out and I knew it was Rose. We had already had the conversation about not being able to have kids and I knew it was tearing her up. I had some how managed to hold back the feelings and anger I felt about not being able to have them but I knew it was hard for her. I set the gifts down and entered the room to consol her the best I could. She cried a few more tearless sobs and admitted the children at the store had gotten to her and I admitted it also had gotten to me as well. We both shared in the same pain and anguish of not having our own angelic face to call ours.

Then Ness was born. I know some thought it was unhealthy the way Rose treated Bella when she found out she was pregnant but they just don’t understand. It was a glimpse of hope, a flicker of something that could possibly be. The day Bells called Rose I knew that no matter what it took she would protect Ness. She knew nothing about the child but would have given anything. The closest thing to a child Rose and I would ever have. I believe that’s why we are so protective of her. There is nothing we wouldn’t do for Ness, not only do we love her as our Niece but we also love her like she is a child of ours.

Of all the things I wish I could do that one reigns the most in my head. I would give anything to hear a child call me dad or to look up at Rose’s beautiful face and call her mom, but I guess we have to make do with what life gives us.

A moment of realization

Hanging my head low waiting on the bikers to get Rachel I was livid. Livid at the fact that people we had trusted were taking advantage of our friends. As I helped Edward hold Paul back I knew the pain he was feeling. I knew that no matter what happened from there on out Paul would feel responsible for whatever happened. Seeing the love he had for her hit a spot in me. I knew the love- it was the same I feel for Rose and I knew that I had been wrong..

Wrong because it was also the love Nessie and Jake share for each other. Not only a week or two earlier I had been giving Jake hell for being with Ness but I realized he couldn’t help it. It couldn’t help feel the way he did for Ness anymore than I could the way I feel for Rose. I knew at that moment I had to help bring Jake home. Ness would be incomplete without him. I had to risk my being for him because of her. In this whole moment I had come to the conclusion that my family means everything to me. Its unsaid for people like us to form the relationships that we have but I couldn’t imagine it being any different.

With that in mind I was set to save the wolves. Nothing would stop me not even a 1,000 year old vamp. I had to bring them home safe and sound. Not only because they were friends but also family. As close to family as they could be.

The past

"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I never saw true beauty till this night."-William Shakespeare

Many times I have sat and thought about my life as a human. Racking through my brain for any memory, any moment to connect me to my past but nothing comes clear. Like Alice I do not remember anything from my human life. I count it as a blessing because maybe my human life wasn’t so perfect but what if it was? What if I had it all, everything anyone could ever ask for.That’s why the William Shakespeare quote hits so true to me. Before Rose was there ever another love for me? Did I ever acknowledge another woman as my other half? Rose is my everything but its only natural to wonder. To me now I could never imagine any one else. Rose is my angel, my buttercup the sole reason I am the way I am.During my younger days after being changed sometimes I would make up my past. I would imagine in my head exciting scenarios. My father was a banker like Rose’s or my mother was sweetheart of the town. My favorite past I imagined over and over was simple- In my past I was popular, had many friends. Worked in a hardware store with my father and spent my time with various women. As time has moved forward though I no longer imagine my human life. Wither it be the fact that I am happy with Rose or just really would love to know actual events from it.One thing that lingers though is that I would like to know. I would love to remember anything. Just one morsel of something ,just one tiny fragment to who I was.

Fear

My greatest fear happens to be fear itself…

I am a lot stronger than others . I never fear someone attacking me or losing at a fight. The love I share with Rose is an unbreakable bond. I exists because of her. I believe that if anything was to happen to her that I would not long follow, so I do not even fear losing her and living without her. Sometimes I almost fear losing my family. I know that I could never do wrong in there eyes to lose them, our families love that we share for each other helps us to forgive. The fear of losing them to death or something else doesn’t even scare me. Before something happened to someone in my family there would be a fight. Fighting-something I’m very much not scared of.The thought of actually fearing something though makes my insides cringe. To be vulnerable enough to be scared of something and to not want to confront it. I pride myself on being strong and independent. What if one day something happens and I actually become to scared to fight and couldn’t take care of Rose or someone in my family. The fact that one day I could come to fear anything scares the hell out of me. I hope