A childs voice

Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father-Lydia Marie Child

I cannot count on one hand or two how many times I wish I was one of those blessed men. How I wish I could hear a little boy or sweet gentle girl call me her father. I have spent many a night imagining a sweet little girl with Rose’s cute nose and curls, my cheeks and humor. Imagining her curling up in my lap beside Rose and falling asleep, our daughter.

I drift off to a distant memory I hold of pain and anguish. It was a cheerful day and we had decided to finish some Christmas shopping that needed to be done. The stores in Port Angeles were busy with last minute shoppers and their children. Everywhere we looked little boys and girls were dressed in their Christmas apparel anticipating the arrival of Santa. Rose hurryingly finished paying for our stuff and we headed home. I watched as she went upstairs and I unloaded the gifts, some how managing to carry them all upstairs at once. Approaching the door I heard tearless sobs drifting out and I knew it was Rose. We had already had the conversation about not being able to have kids and I knew it was tearing her up. I had some how managed to hold back the feelings and anger I felt about not being able to have them but I knew it was hard for her. I set the gifts down and entered the room to consol her the best I could. She cried a few more tearless sobs and admitted the children at the store had gotten to her and I admitted it also had gotten to me as well. We both shared in the same pain and anguish of not having our own angelic face to call ours.

Then Ness was born. I know some thought it was unhealthy the way Rose treated Bella when she found out she was pregnant but they just don’t understand. It was a glimpse of hope, a flicker of something that could possibly be. The day Bells called Rose I knew that no matter what it took she would protect Ness. She knew nothing about the child but would have given anything. The closest thing to a child Rose and I would ever have. I believe that’s why we are so protective of her. There is nothing we wouldn’t do for Ness, not only do we love her as our Niece but we also love her like she is a child of ours.

Of all the things I wish I could do that one reigns the most in my head. I would give anything to hear a child call me dad or to look up at Rose’s beautiful face and call her mom, but I guess we have to make do with what life gives us.