I WAS A LITTLE THEATRICAL BACK THEN…

The church bell tolled into the still night air, cutting through the silence of the empty streets of the city, the singular strike of the bell echoing through the deserted streets. The drunks had dispersed from the pubs and bars of the city, allowing me to use my new gifts to their full ability. I danced swiftly across the town square, my speed unnatural for any human being. My intended location was to head straight to the First Bank of Rochester, but my sight was drawn elsewhere. White silk and lace caught the focus of my improved vision and I paused outside a wedding boutique, my fingers ran down the pane of glass. I found myself admiring the many beautiful gowns and veils adorned on the shop mannequins. The grin on my exquisite features reflected back to me from the pane glass windows, widening as the final elements of my plan clicked into place. In an instant, my hand grasped the handle of the door and applying the slightest pressure broke the lock, allowing me entrance. Above my head the shop bell tinkled as I entered the shop, matched with my giggle as I began to find the perfect dress.

Each dress faced my criticism as I modelled in front of the large mirror, pausing to contemplate whether it would ‘the one’. Most did not capture the appearance I was looking for, until I found it, the thirteenth dress was perfect. Made of the finest silk I had seen, even more superior than the dress I was meant to wear when I married Royce. A sweetheart neckline showed a respectable amount of skin, before leading to puff ball shoulders and my arms were covered by a beautiful sheer lace. The bodice was fitted and boned, before a silk sash separated it from the skirt. The skirt itself was simple, floor length, complete with some lace detail and a train behind. Twirling in front of the mirror, I could not help but admire how I looked, I looked angelic. Now it was time to complete the look, I meticulously pinned my long curls into an exquisite up-do, before taking a pearl clip from the boutique’s jewelry cabinet. The clip was slipped into centre of the up-do, before I attached a veil over the top. Looking into the mirror I frowned, there was something missing from the ensemble. My finger tips toyed at the neckline of the dress, deep in contemplation of what would complete the look, then I realised. The jewelry cabinet was now missing a pearl necklace as I secured it around my neck.

“Perfect” my voice calmly overtook the silence in the boutique.

The church bell tolled twice as I closed the door behind me, leaving the store almost all intact, and began on towards my intended target of the bank. However I had to pause one last time, a bride cannot be missing flowers can she?

One of the cities florists’s had a small vendor area on the main street, which again was very accessible to one with heightened strength. The scent of flowers was almost sickening with my enhanced sense of smell, but I persevered to get what I required. Then I saw them, positioned on a counter in the corner of the vendor booth, three white lilies tied together with a piece of ribbon. I recalled back to my lessons in botany in school, finding the meanings behind the plants much more interesting. The white lily represented chastity and virtue, something those monsters had ripped me of on that awful night. I would find some way to claim it back, even if it were symbolically.

The props were in place and the costume was perfect, now this bride was ready for her curtain up.

The First Bank of Rochester was in complete darkness, bar for one window upstairs, dimly lit by candlelight and even then hid behind thick blackout blinds.

“Seeking sanctuary in your money Royce, nothing changes” I muttered, crushing the heavy locks of the doors to dust with my bare hands. The thick oak doors opened easily, creaking with my eagerness to enter and begin. Moonlight lit up the entrance way, it highlighted the worn marble flooring Royce’s grandfather had insisted be fitted before the Depression. I stepped into the shadows observing the main room, the tellers desks prepared for the next day, each counter polished to perfection- as expected with the Kings. My heels echoed through the silent room as I crossed the hall, choosing to pause at the spot where I first encountered the scum that was soon to be my Ex-Fiancé. The image of that moment replayed in my memory and I shuddered, before I stopped in front of my Father’s desk, his name plaque in polished in pride.

“Oh Daddy” I whispered, running my fingers over the plaque. Images of my Mother and Father filled my mind, the realisation hitting me that this would be the last time I would ever have a link to them. All because of Royce and those monsters he called his friends, each who I took pleasure in disposing of. My eyes burnt with tears that would never come, the anger and sadness merging into one. My hands grasped at the nearest object, a desk lamp, which was ripped from its place and thrown across the room. The metal frame reverberated around the room, before falling silent. If they didn’t know I was here they would have now.

Footsteps, inaudible to human ears ran down one of the upper corridors and two heartbeats caught my attention, their drumming getting louder as they approached. It didn’t surprise me Royce had hired protection; he was always too weak to stand up for himself. I could smell their blood from where I stood. At that moment I forced myself to stop breathing and swallowed back the venom that pooled in my mouth. Tonight I would not consume blood; I would never become a monster like Royce. Gathering up my flowers, I headed for the stairs, ready to begin the final act.

The disposal of the two Guards was simple, much like the others before them, the first did not even sense my approach. I was behind the pair in an instant; my delicate hands deceived them as I grasped his neck and twisted, the spine snapped instantly. The body fell to my feet, sprawled on the floor and the other guard cowered against the wall, begging for mercy. How I wished I didn’t have to dispose of the pair of them- but they were unneeded witnesses and worked for the King’s money, they didn’t care about Royce. For a moment I grimaced, imagining the families waiting at home for these men, guilt plaguing my thoughts of revenge. But I couldn’t let it stop me now, I was almost at my grand finale.

At the end of the hall stood a lone door, Royce’s office, his name stood out on the plaque that adorned the mahogany wood. From behind it I could hear the noises of his rapid heart rate and heightened breathing, he knew I was here. I smirked to myself as I re-arranged the dress one last time and walked down the hallway slowly. It seemed oddly fitting for me to have some music, so I hummed ‘Here Comes the Bride’ as I approached the door. As I turned the handle I began to sing,

“Here comes the bride, here comes the bride, all dressed in white.” I could hear the coward’s sobs on the other side of the locked door. So I decided to prolong his agony, twisting the handle a few times before it was pulled clear from the wood.

What greeted me on the other side was a pitiful sight indeed; Royce huddled on the other side of a makeshift bed, crying in fear. I had to smile at this, he was terrified and I hadn’t even started my plans for him. As I stepped over the threshold, a variety of smells invaded my senses, blood, alcohol but mostly strongly at that point fresh urine. My face contorted in disgust for a short moment, before grinning, realizing the effect I had on him. He felt the fear I had, and it was only just beginning.

“Royce, ‘Darling’…why are you hiding from me?” I cooed as he slunk further into the corner,

“Rose? But you-, you’re supposed to be-“

“-Dead?” I interrupted, “You see Royce, you and your ‘friends’ failed in killing me and failed in being human beings. And we know you need perfection Royce, so I solved that.” I found myself chuckling at the memories of each killing.

“What are you?” He whimpered, managing to look at me.

“I’m very much me Royce, just different. Don’t you notice the changes?” In an instant, I was crouched in front of him, smirking as he screamed in shock.

“Yo-your eyes!” He stammered out, reaching his hand out to point at my crimson eyes.

“Yes.” I growled, “A result of you and your pack of mongrels. Something happened to me after that night, something that changed me. I’m much stronger now, see?” At that I reached forward, grabbed his hand and squeezed. I chuckled as the bones crushed and he screamed and writhed in agony on the floor. As I stood back up, I watched on with glee as he became a pitiful excuse for a human, still crying out in pain. Something he deserved for what he did to me.

Next my delicate appearing hands took his shaking arms and twisted, cleaning snapping the bone before I crushed them into shards below his skin. I could see the bruises begin to form, where the blood rushed under the surface of his skin. The animal in me overtook, venom rushing and pooling in my mouth, I forced myself to swallow it back trying to calm the haze of red that bloodlust produced. The reminder that I would never have any form of that Monster inside of me again, it would make me as bad as the pitiful creature that lay crying at my feet. The motion of movement at the base of the dress snapped me back into the moment, Royce foot dragging over the white material as he tried to crawl away with his immobilized arms. Each little movement he made produced a cry of agony from him and I relished in it. Next to receive my infliction were his legs, I hitched up my dress delicately, showing the garter I had worn for the occasion. The gartered leg pinned his weak human leg down, before I pressed down with all my weight, destroying the bone beyond repair. As he screamed in pain, I repeated it on the other leg and laughed out.

“Royce, don’t you like this? It’s almost identical to what you did to me…” I whispered into his ear, before flipping his body over and throwing it to the ground, hearing a few ribs shatter from impact. Meekly, he shook his head, the tears streamed down his cheeks as I heard him mutter words to God and Jesus and I decided to begin my crescendo.

“….almost identical to what I made each of your pitiful ‘friends’ endure. John cried too Royce, claimed he was sorry. Begged for mercy. It was too late for John to say sorry and it’s too late for you.” My voice rose with anger, til each word was almost a growl as I leapt forward and smirked as his spine snapped with a sickening crack. Royce’s eyes darted around the room as he was unable to move, and attempted to mumble out a mixture of pleas and prayers. I frowned, he still wasn’t dead. I hadn’t thrown him hard enough, then I smirked as an idea hit me. The wine bottle was across the room, in an instant it was in my hands, I took my time to remove the cork, watching Royce’s eyes widen in realisation. He couldn’t fight the alcohol choking him to death, when the guttural inhuman noises stopped I knew he was finally gone. I smirked in delight, before throwing the lilies over his chest; perhaps they could get their proper use as funeral flowers now.

As I left the bank I felt some sense of freedom, like a weight being taken from my shoulders now I knew that they could never harm another woman again. I would never be the same, but no one else would have to suffer the pain I did under those pitiful excuses for men. As I crossed the square again, I found myself back at where I began, the wedding boutique. The streets were still empty as I slipped out of the dress, standing in my slip, and left it on the store step, folded neatly. When the owners would have arrived a few hours later they would have found some thick luxurious notepaper upon the dress, it read:

‘Thank you. From the desk of Royce King Jnr.’

Written by Rosalie

Us.

*Update*

Hey friends! Been awhile since we posted here but we promise to start again. Make sure you are following our story on twitter, @_emmettmccarty and @missrosaliehale. We also have individual tumblrs for you to follow as well.http://theemmettcullen.tumblr.com/ and http://therosaliehale.tumblr.com/ . Hope to see you around!

-Emmett

Tennessee Forest Fires Of 1925

The Tennessee Forest Fires of 1925 were a horrendous disaster. Treacherous flames engulfed over half the states forest population while destroying houses and buildings in its way. October was filled with watching people evacuate from their homes and orange flames fill the sky. Many grew sick as the thick air became drenched with smoke and a scent of burning wood. Many who lived where the fires had passed wore scarves over their faces in town in hopes of breathing easier. Deaths covered the local paper as people became trapped in their homes and couldn’t escape. There were few casualties but enough to scar my ten year old mind at the time.


Yes I was a ten year old boy at the time, full of innocence and life which was suddenly replaced with fear and remorse. Some could say my actions of my later human life and the life with which I’m faced now is in result of the disaster of that brisk fall month. That ocean of fire blanketing my home state would always stick with me, even now when things are hard to remember. The start of the fires were never decided and many blamed it on the unusual dry weather but I really know what happened to start them. I remember the exact day like it happened just yesterday.


My dad was hard at work while mother was gone to a special lunch with the other ladies of the town. They left me home alone in trusting that I could take care of myself and no trouble would arise. A group of the older boys in town passed by our house and my little mind wondered where they were going. I looked up to them at the time, they were always having fun and the broads in town seemed to fancy them. My eyes lit up as I noticed one of the boys carrying a bottle rocket in his hand. I quickly decided to follow them as my curiosity and bewilderment got the best of me.


Each boy took turns lighting one of the bottle rockets and goofing off as it spiraled into the air. We were deep in the forest and I would watch as each rocket shimmered red against the deep green of the trees. Each boys laughter made me chuckle on my own and I longed to be older and cooler like them. Soon each boy left and I was stuck in the deep silent woods by myself.


I was just about to leave and sneak back home when I noticed a left over rocket and match tucked away near a rock. Just lighting one wouldn’t be any harm I thought to myself as I skipped over to examine the rocket. Before I knew it I was lighting the cord and running back to watch the fire escape from it but something went wrong. Instead of going straight up it went crazy and turned crosswise into some tree’s. Yellow sparks flew and caught the dried pine needles on fire, the smell of deep pine soon turned to smoke as the whole tree was engulfed into a flame. I stood speechless and scared as the flame slowly moved from one tree to the next claiming its next victim. My little heart was beating faster than a rabbits hop as tears streamed my face.


I ran home, not wanting a single person to find out what had happened. Part of me prayed that the fire would stop and nothing else happen. The rest of the day I stayed hid under covers in my bedroom, not speaking to anyone as they came home. Then the next day came and I found out my prayers were not answered, the fire had spread for acres.


I grew up fast in the next month as the fires spread even further. The destruction in my hometown was unbearable as I watched my mom cry over the local sewing factory being burned to a crisp. Watching everything unfold and knowing it was my fault was almost to much for my little self. Countless times I almost admitted the truth but would back out, not wanting to spend the rest of my life grounded or whatnot. Guilt took its toll though, I was very much punished. I stopped talking to the other little boys in town and stayed to myself. Often helping my father in the afternoons volunteer on buildings that had been destroyed or cleaning up ashes in the yard.


I never told anyone about the fires and often think maybe it was best. When I was sixteen I sat with a preacher and cried when all the horrendous memories of the fire flooded my mind. He never asked what upset me but promised no matter what god would forgive me for whatever it was. That thought alone helped me forgive myself even though to this day I regret playing with that bottle rocket. Regret even more the destruction and disaster it caused

Fresh Prince Of Forks

So I was driving home the other day when the Fresh Prince Song popped into my head, so what did I do? I remixed it and made it my own..


Now, this is the story all about how My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Forks


In south Tennessee born and raised,
In the woods was where I spent most of my days,
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool,
And all shootin some deer outside of the woods,
When a couple of bears Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and Ro found me all scared She said 'You're gonna be safe I'm taking you to Forks


I begged and pleaded with her for 3 days,
But she packed my suite case and stayed by my side
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me a new life
I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it


First class, yo this is bad.
Drinking blood out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Forks living like?Hmmmmm this might be alright.
But wait, I hear the prissy, booze, whine, all that
Is this the type of place that they should send this cool cat?
I don't think so, I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Forks.


Well uh, the burning stopped and when I looked up,There was a dude who looked like a doctor standing there with my name out.
I ain't trying to start trouble. I just got here!I
sprang with the quickness, like lightening disappeared


I whistled through the woods as Ro came near,
The way she moved screamed fresh and her car had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say is that this broad was rare,
But I thought 'forget it' - 'Yo home to Forks'.


I pulled up to the house about seven or eight
And I yelled to Rose'Yo babe see ya later'.
I looked to my kingdom, I was finally there.To sit on my throne as the Prince of Forks

A letter to Renesmee

I wrote this letter a few days after Ness was born, in hopes she would read it when she was a little older

A few days have passed since you entered this world and already you have made an impact. Beautiful beyond words, is the thought that came to my mind as Rosalie held you. Certainly no one would be able to deny their love they already felt for you. Did you know that the instant Bella woke up and saw you that this family truly became whole. Everyone had a glimpse of what life could offer in your eyes, something that your aunt Rose really needed.

Fear strikes me slightly as I think of the difficulties you may face in life. Gosh kiddo you already have me fearing something and that’s a miracle. Having said that I have advice for you when things get tough and you feel like the world is letting you down. I hope that even when the days are cloudy and you feel like crying that you don’t give up. Just because things get ugly doesn’t mean that there is not a bright shining rainbow at the end of it. Kindness should be your main asset but never settle because of it. Life is far to precious to just settle on things and you are far to brilliant to settle for less than what you deserve. Most importantly remember that your family will always love you and have your back. No one else will be able to get you down when you remember these things. Oh and one more little piece of advice, if you have a wild streak like sneaking out do not think about it around your father. Please for the life of me don’t do it anyway but try to hide it if you do.

Quiet fills the house as I write this letter to you and I can imagine you years from now reading it. Remarkable things will happen between now and then and I can only hope that your life will be one of happiness. Something that fairy tales are written about and other little girls are jealous of. The day you were born will stay sacred to me because it was the day something changed in me. Usually your aunt Rose was the only woman to own my heart but on that day you stole a piece of it as well. Various things in me changed but you made me calmer and funnier, let my fatherly side show even though I will never get to show those sides to my own children. With these things being said I must finish this letter up and go help your mom hunt since she is new at this life. X-box’s will also be your friend in this world when people are bothering you, yes I know it’s not really advice and I’m late adding this but I’m sure when you read this you will know me enough to understand why. You’re an amazing full of life, take your breathe away girl ok, never forget that. Zealous I’ am for you to read this letter but I must seriously go now.
-Your Uncle Emm

What If...There was no bear

The bright sun shot through the tree’s as the warmth wrapped around me like a blanket. The silence of the woods eased my nerves to a point of happiness. The past week had been hectic with Levi being born. My easy, carefree life was now swamped with the hassle of taking care of a newborn. Not to mention my wife was more clingy than usual and I just needed the air. Three hours of hiking and hunting bliss. I ran into no obstacles that day or animals to kill but it was peaceful, enough to get me by.

Another long week passed, as nothing got easier. Ann-Marie and I fought every free minute when Levi was asleep or didn’t need our over look. He constantly was needing our attention, my world was over. Every thing that was mine was his. My immature actions sparked fights and often ended with me storming out. Her constant bickering was driving me crazy. Yes one week in and I already felt my world collapsing in. I was supposed to be the happy new dad but I was miserable.

A long month dragged on, more fights and hell. I left on a stormy night, leaving Ann at home with Levi. I had been working my ass off and taking care of Levi when I could but it was never enough for her. Even in my misery I tried to make her happy, anything I could to make up for my indiscretion on new years. That night though our fight was my braking point. I went to the local sleazy bar to have a few drinks with my buddies. The crisp moonshine was never ending and the ladies was in my site. Without a thought I worked my magic and ended up in bed with the most floozy blonde I could find. Not one bit of me felt sorry for doing Ann wrong, at least it was a few moments when my life was not an empty less shell.

Three more months passed, our home was no longer a home as well as our marriage was not a marriage. My days were spent slave driving at work, while at night I would come home to spend time with Levi before bed. As he fell asleep I would slip away to the bar with my friends. Skipping work one day while Ann was shopping I brought home a woman that I didn’t even know the name of. Her horrified face will always be imprinted in my head as she walked in on us. Ann packed her bags and left with Levi and never looked back.

A year has passed since Ann- Marie left me. My days are filled with endless work hours and nights filled with moonshine. My lonely home is no longer filled with the beams of sunshine from Levi except for occasionally. The happiness I though I might feel when Ann left never graced me as the despair of being alone set in. I missed the days of changing Levi’s diaper and having company. To my dismay no bottle of moonshine or no random woman could fill that void.

My fortieth birthday is here as I lay back thinking of my life. Nothing had been right since Ann left, well really nothing had been right since we got married. The only hope and good thing was Levi. His life was much easier than mine and I was proud of him. Painful regret seeps into my skin as I think about how I wasn’t there to help him every time he needed me though. Why couldn’t have I meet someone after Ann to make me happy. To help me realize how important Levi would be to me. I grew up to slow and everything moved to fast.

I can feel the last days of my life creeping up on me. The wrinkles of my skin is a clear sign to my age. Seventy harsh years has passed since I have walked this earth. Every day seemingly becoming more darkening than the last. My own son disowned me as I drowned my life away with alcohol. Ann- Marie moved on and acted as if I never existed. There are days when I contemplate ending it all but know it would be to much of a hassle. I deserved the hell I lived and whatever pits of it was left for me.

What if the bear would have never attacked me, would this have been my life? lonely and filled with despair, no Rose to brighten my days. Some may look at that bear attack as a bad moment but really how are we to know that it wasn’t a blessing. If not for it then I wouldn’t have my other half or the amazing family and friends that I do. What if?

Jealousy

The change from human to vampire brought about changes in the way I thought about many things. I was learning new emotions such as compassion and mostly jealousy. I can’t remember during my human days being jealous of much. The women never turned me down and I had a pretty decent job. My parents always treated me like a prince if they could with their love and I had what other guys only dreamed of.

The first day I felt the jealousy was the day after Alice and Jasper joined the family. I peaked into Carlisle’s study to speak to him and noticed he was already in a deep conversation with Jasper. Carlisle was already speaking to him in the gentle fatherly voice of his and it slightly agitated me. I was not familiar with the emotion so I blamed it on my thirst and some sort of anger.

A couple of months went by and I kept my distance slightly as good as I could. Alice and Jasper were welcomed into the family but I was having a slight problem with it, well not so much Alice as Jasper. It was hard not to smile when Alice was around or feel totally at home. Maybe it was the way Jasper looked or presented himself that made me wary at first.

Here was this male vampire walking into our life, who you could obviously tell had been through a lot and was stronger than others. His gruesome scars showed a past of heartbreak and trouble, not to mention he was always kept to himself mostly. I also didn’t trust the unusual power he has at first. The though of someone being able to shift my emotions without my permission angered me to no end.

Things were getting back to normal around the house, well I should say as normal as could be. I would catch Edward and Jasper having conversations. Often about books or music that really I had no interest in. From an outsiders point of view it would seem as if the two really were blood brothers and it made me feel that aching need to have that as well. Who was this guy coming in and taking that position from me.I

tried to shrug it off and not let it bother me to much. My anger still sometimes being a problem I shied away from anything involving Jasper. That was until the day I came home from hunting and heard him in the kitchen with Rose. I knew that they had to know I was in the house but I still sat down in the living room listening. I could feel the anger and frustration building in me as they talked. It was almost a betraying feeling but yet not.

I knew I was not the most perfect man in the world but I didn’t understand why Rose could not talk to me the way she was Jasper. Feeling the jealousy beyond anything I had ever felt I stood and threw the closest object to me toward the kitchen. As the vase shattered Jasper and Rose walked out, I felt my anger subsiding and knew it had to be Jas. “Stop it, dammit If I wanted help with how I was feeling I would ask you,” I shouted at Jasper.

Storming out of the room I went upstairs to gather my thoughts. I knew it was nothing but jealousy but I was so angry at Jasper for making me feel that way. Everything was perfect and then they showed up. I stood next to the window contemplating on going for another hunt when I felt my emotions changing again. The anger was leaving me slowly as I snarled through my teeth toward the door, “ What do you want?”As Jasper entered the room I changed to an almost protective stance, ready to jump when I felt any danger. He moved to sit on my bed and started telling me the story of his past, the human past he could remember and after his change. It clicked in my head how similar his story was to Rose’s and I realized why they seemed to be so close. My body relaxed as he continued, I felt like a jerk for the way I had been acting.

As he finished and looked at me I apologized, which is something I rarely do if you know me. I vowed to myself to accept him into the family and work on my jealousy towards him .From that day on we have been close. Jasper is my brother in any way which you can count. We may not always see eye to eye but I know he has my back.

The Singer

As vampires we often speak of 'la tua cantante', the one who sings to us. I have to admit I was not strong enough to resist the blood of the one who sang to me the most. It was the first human I ever killed during my first year.

I was well on the fifth month of my change. The family still went with me hunting at least three times a day. My thirst never seemed to die down but it was gradually easing.

I remember the cool summer day like it happened yesterday. Carlisle was working at the local hospital while Rosalie and Esme were shopping. Edward stayed behind to watch me as he had did before. I tried to hold off on needing to hunt but my thirst got to me so we left.

My improvements in newborn actions had the family ecstatic so Edward felt he didn’t have to watch my every move , not to mention he could read my mind before anything happened.

We were deep in the hunt when Edward stepped away to attack a deer. My animalistic instincts were in high gear, aiming in on my prey when I smelled the most delicious scent ever. I could feel the venom pooling in my mouth and I had to have it.

Every thought in my head was on tasting the scent that was burning into me. I felt two hands grabbing me back and heard the screaming, “ No Emmett you cant. Go back.” It was Edward trying to stop me but I couldn’t stop. The anger in me built up, I was deliriously mad that he was trying to keep me from the smell. My newborn strength knocked him into the closest tree, a low guttural growl escaping me.

I took off running and saw the girl crouched over a log tying her shoe. My pace never slowed as I ran forward snapping her neck. The blood lust taking over as I drained her dry. I wish I could say I felt terrible when I did it but I never felt anything. Her blood was more delicious than anything I could have ever imagined and that’s all I was thinking about.

As Edward ran into the clearing when I was finishing I felt the remorse hit me. I looked down at the lifeless body in my hands and collapsed to my knees. I had become what I didn’t want to be. A monster who killed people. This girl would never have a life, her family and friends would never have special moments with her.

The look on Edwards face killed me. It was a mixture of sadness, anger and compassion. For some reason he helped me dispose of the body and stood by my side. He didn’t have to but I will always be grateful to him for not abandoning me that day.

When we returned home I ran to my room and stayed for the next two days. The burn was so intense in my throat but I felt terrible. The life I had taken was haunting me. I had listened to Edward relay the story to Carlisle as he came home from work that afternoon. Heard the hurt in his voice as Edward spoke of my trying to harm him to reach the girl. I was worried to death that Carlisle would ask me to leave the family but he never did.

The forgiveness he gave me was so fatherly. I had jeopardized everything he had worked for but yet his love never faltered such as Esme’s. When she arrived home with Rose and heard she was more worried about how I felt. At the time I felt like I didn’t deserve their kindness. I Was more worried about what Rosalie would say or do though.

I knew I loved her. My newborn ways sometimes would not allow me to express that but I did. I still was iffy about whether I deserved her or not and this would surely send her away. How could this perfect angel want a monster like me. The second day of my confinement came and Rose had enough. I remember she burst into my room with a pale blue skirt and white blouse on. That famous attitude of hers masking the pain she was feeling.

Our conversation was the beginning of what we have now, a relationship that will with stand anything. I knew at the moment when she forgave me and accepted my fault that she was the one for me. I also knew that with the whole family accepting my fault that they were going to stay my family no matter what. There was no blood shared but didn’t need to be, the Cullen’s were more of a family than I could ever ask for.

Biggest Regret

There are many things I have did in my life that I do not regret, mainly because I do not remember most of my human life. As the new year is approaching though I am reminded of one event that I terribly regret. It lingers in my head and I think its because of how bad it makes me feel.

I sat today and told Rose the what happened the last new year of my human life. I saw her face change and I knew a part of her would be different to me now. She still loves me but I cant help but think maybe she is always going to be scared I am going to do it to her.

December 31st 1934

I just wanted to leave the house. Ann-Marie was a few months pregnant and I was going stir crazy being stuck in the house with her. I wanted attention and company from anyone besides her. Our lack of being in love was taking its toll. The marriage of connivance and friendship was wrecking our lives and with the life of a new child we were stuck.

A few of my friends came over and practically drug me out to a local party for the new year. It didn’t take much persuasion as I was practically dying to leave the house. At first I felt awful for leaving Ann-Marie home at by herself. Especially at such as a time as this but as the moonshine took its toll I didn’t give a care in the world.

The night went its way and I drowned myself in my favorite moonshine and cigars. My buddies and I played poker and it was if I never was married or had a child on the way. As I look back now I find myself a monster for that. I should have felt terrible for that but nothing. We joked about the ladies at the party and how they looked.

Through the night I kept glancing at a red head with green eyes, it was as if her lips were yelling at me to attack them. It could have been the moonshine or the encouraging horseplay from my buddies but I went over and hit on her. Placing my best boyish charm to her and offering a night she would never forget.

I awoke the next morning hung over and in the arms of some girl who I didn’t even know the name of. The walk home was terrible. I couldn’t believe I did that to Ann-Marie. Our marriage may have been based on friendship alone but she never deserved that. No our future son never deserved that. I never told her about that night but I tired to make it up in ways she would never know.

I was not perfect at all. I made many mistakes when I was human, this topping the list but now I feel different. I still make minor mistakes but Rose makes me strive to be better. Her love makes me want to adopt bunnies and shit. I don’t know if it even matters after doing that or if people will think I am bad for the things I did before but as long as Rose has faith in me then I am good.

The Last Christmas

December 1932: my last Christmas as a human and one that was bittersweet in more than one that was bittersweet in more than one way. As a child I always loved the holiday season; carolling, snowball fights with Nate and Alex, shopping with Mother and returning to log-lit fires and the sense of home. But this year I wasn’t just shopping for presents for my Brothers but trying to find that all important dress, as Royce had asked me to his parents annual Christmas Eve Ball and dinner.

Mother was more excited than I was for the occasion, putting my dress as the major shopping priority over gifts saying how I needed to look my best for Royce. It was actually when we were on a day trip to Manhattan that we found the dress, deep blue, like my eyes with silver sequin detail throughout. I had to admit it was stunning and I looked like a movie star, but there was no way my parents could afford it. But Mother was insistent, asking the sales girl to ring it up with matching gloves and a faux fur stole too. I stood in the store dumbfounded, I knew it was beyond anything they could afford, Mother assuring me it was fine and repeatedly saying that Royce would love it. As we went back into the cold Manhattan air I stood and stopped for a moment, my expression questioning my Mother, before she turned around,
“Rosalie Lillian, can you just be thankful for once in your life? No actually. Don’t thank me, thank Royce, you’ll see.” Before I could retort, she stormed off into the next store, silently indicating no more questions.

So the day of the Ball arrived, Christmas Eve, and I sat at my vanity doing my make-up, dabbing powder on my flawless skin. There was a knock on my door and I looked into the mirror to see Alex standing in my doorway. I turned smiling, nodding for him to come in and he ran and sat on my knee, at only ten Alex was still young enough for cuddles.
“Rosey”
“Hmmmm?”
“You look like a Princess” he murmured before kissing my cheek and jumping off my knee and ran back to listen to the Christmas radio broadcast with Nate.

At six o’clock there was a knock on our front door and I knew it was him, checking the faux flower in my hair one last time; I grabbed my purse and headed towards the stairs. I could hear Father and Royce talking about the Bank and then silence- which Royce broke,
“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet” , I remember blushing as he took my hand and kissed it, before leading me out towards his car, ready to be driven to the house. As I sat in the back seat with Royce, I can recall my hands twisting around from nerves, before he turned my cheek and kissed it.
“My Darling, why are you so nervous?” I frowned as he laughed, “They will all be so stunned by your beauty you won’t even have to engage in conversation with them.” And he was right, dinner was spent at the head table next to his parents, the only conversation about how good Royce and I looked together. After dinner we were led into his parent’s ballroom, which housed the most spectacular Christmas tree I had seen in my eighteen years of being. Delicate glass ornaments hung from every available branch and there was a huge stack of identical wrapped boxes below it. Royce boasted how at midnight each guest would open one- the contents being grand party favours from his parents. Being in that room you wouldn’t have believed there was a depression crippling the world outside, and for once I believed in the phrase ‘ignorance is bliss’.

I spent the night in Royce’s arms enjoying each and every dance and glass of champagne on offer- yes even under prohibition they somehow managed to have bottles of it in the house. Then at quarter to midnight we gathered around the Christmas tree singing carols, whilst housekeepers gave out the presents ready for the guests to open. As I went out to reach for one Royce held his hand up,
“I have something special for you my Dear”. The clock struck twelve, indicating Christmas Day and all the guests started to open their favours whilst Royce, his parents and I watched on. When they were finished his father announced that Royce had something to say, I stepped back to let him speak but he pulled me forward with him, introducing me to the elite of Rochester. Then he did something I never would have expected, he got down on one knee and pulled out a small box and proposed in front of everyone,
“Rosalie, over the past few months you’ve made me the happiest man on this planet. Your sheer beauty astounds me every day, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?” At the time it was all I ever wanted coming true, like my own Christmas fairytale, but who was to know of the reality that would occur a few months later...

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To Give Is Better Than To Recieve

“Giving is better than receiving because giving starts the receiving process.” Jim Rohn

One of the most vibrant memories from my human life is from when I was a little boy. I was eight at the time and all I wanted was a red wagon for Christmas. My father was a carpenter and my family was definitely not classified as the wealthy type. I wrote letters on letter to Santa asking for the red wagon.

Two weeks before Christmas I snuck downstairs in the middle of the night to hear my parents talking. Their raised voices alarmed me to the fact that they were arguing over something. I sat on a chair in the living room of our cabin as I listened to their whole conversation. My father was barely making enough money to keep us up more less to be able to buy any sort of presents this Christmas. I felt the pain in his voice when he told my mother that they would not be able to afford any gifts for me. She sobbed and said she would figure something out, that her little boy deserved at least one present under the tree.

I went back to my room that night before they realized I had been listening. As I crawled into bed the selfishness in me came out and I cried because would not be getting any presents. When I woke the next morning to my tear dried face I felt horrible because it hit me that neither of my parents would receive anything that Christmas as well. The following two weeks I worked creating them two simple gifts. At school I used the paint we had available and at home I hid the gifts in the woods so they would not find them. The day before Christmas I toted some paper out to the woods. It was not at all Christmas paper but regular paper that I had drew little candy canes on. Now that I think about it the candy canes looked more like messed up blobs of red fingers. I wrapped the two gifts and snuck them in my giant puffy coat to sneak them inside under my bed.

That night my mother helped me make chocolate chip cookies. I heard her whisper to my father that even though they could not give me anything she wanted to make Christmas seem a little normal. A hint of sadness crossed her face as she said those words and part of me got excited to give them there gifts. To maybe make her smile again. The night drew on and the happiness seemed to grow. I remember the smell of cookies overtook the little cabin and dad walked around singing Christmas Carols until it was my bedtime.

When they to tuck me in I was so excited that I couldn’t hold my surprise for them any longer. “Mom, Dad” I yelled. “I have presents for you guys and don’t want to wait till in the morning to give them to you. You’re the best parents a kid could ask for.” I reached for the paper wrapped gifts under the bed and handed them over and watched as they laughed at the paper. Slowly they unwrapped the two wood chipped, painted ornaments carved into the words mom and dad. A smile started to spread on my fathers face as my mom began to cry and I joked that she was not allowed to do that. They both thanked me and tucked me in again. Before my father left he made sure to tell me he loved me and even as a little kid knowing that I made them happy was the best gift ever.

When I awoke the next morning, I looked out the cabin window in my room and noticed the snow covered ground. The room was cold so I drug my cover off my bed and wrapped around me, knowing mom was probably going to get on to me for it. As I started to walk into the living room I already knew that there was not going to be any gifts for me but I was ok with that. To my surprise though when I entered the room a shiny red wagon sat under the tree. I dropped the blanket and ran to the wagon pulling it out. I could not believe my eyes and then it hit me. I noticed the wagon was made of wood and a familiar shade of red paint. It hit me then that my father had made this wagon and my mother had painted it. As I looked up into their eyes that was the answer I needed. I ran to give them a hug and told them I had the best parents ever. The rest of that day I played with the wagon, even at times with my dad. Sometimes the simple things are what makes you the happiest.

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

Under the foray that is my wedding planning brings back fond memories for me of my first wedding. Back then it was much simpler than latter weddings, perhaps due to the small size of our family at that point. It was the fall of 1936 and we had settled in the town of Hoquiam, Washington. The country was still feeling the aftermath of the depression and a solemn feeling hung in the air.

Emmett had been in our family a little over 18 months at that point in time and he had an effect on all of us, myself being the most obvious. He had pulled me somewhat from the dark depression that hungover me regarding my own change- his energy being oddly what I needed and me, being what he needed, someone to tell him when enough was enough. The speed of our courtship worried the rest of the family; he had been with us just over a year when he proposed on what would have been my 21st birthday. The ring was simple, compared to my first one but the thought and care from whom this one came from meant so much more to me than diamonds and jewels. As we were both still regarded as newborns, Emmett especially, we were told any wedding service would have to wait till he was ready to be around a priest or minister for a prolonged period. But not wanting to wait any longer than we had to, we came up with an idea a much more personal one, to ask Carlisle to marry us. That way the service would be exclusively family only, once we had his blessing and approval we began to prepare for a service in our home.

It was on a rare trip into town with Esme that I spotted the dress I wanted to become Mrs McCarty in; it was a simple gown, not lavished with pearls and finery, instead it consisted of white silk with a lace overlay and a simple pink sash around the waist. Going against the fashion of the time I decided to opt out of wearing a veil, instead choosing to wear a pair of vintage hair combs that had been in the window of the local pawn store. I had got my something old and something new sorted now for the wedding, and was just missing my something borrowed and something blue. These came courtesy of Esme, a pair of sapphire earrings to compliment my dress.

Soon the summer months of our engagement had passed into the rich warm colours of fall and the day of the wedding arrived. As I sat in front of the mirror, adjusting my simple up-do for the fourth time the realisation hit me. I was actually going to be married; it was no longer a fantasy in my mind. Foolish doubts began to fill my mind, nerves finally getting to me, what if I disappointed Emmett, what if my old insecurities returned? But before I could even scold my own stupidity there was a knock at the door to say the others were ready. Checking my appearance over for the last time I left the room, ready to become Mrs McCarty.

The service was simple, held in what was our living room at the time, Esme and Edward as witnesses and Carlisle marrying Emmett and I. As I descended the wooden staircase I was greeted by the sight of my Love in his best suit grinning up at me. I have could have blushed I would have been scarlet at this point, I joined him in front of Carlisle, taking his hand in mine. After exchanging our vows we exchanged rings, both deciding on simple gold bands before having our first kiss as man and wife. After pulling away from the kiss I remember smiling up at my Husband, yes Husband, I could finally say that, before Edward and Esme came to congratulate us. Our reception, if you could call it that was quaint, us sharing our first dance on the patio outside the house, the piano providing the music. I forgot about the rest of the family around us and focused solely on my Darling Emmett, knowing I’d found my forever.

The First Christmas

As I sit and write these words the memory of that Christmas comes back as if it happened just last week. It was Rose and I ‘s first Christmas together as a married couple, not long since my change. I was still new to the vampire ways and slipped up and made mistakes. It was two weeks before our Christmas when I slipped up and made one of these mistakes and caused the whole family to have to move. I felt terrible that they once again were having to redo their lives because of me. I especially felt bad for Rose, I knew she had become fond of the place we were living and having to move had upset her.

That Christmas Eve I was feeling down so I decided to have a talk with Carlisle about everything. Being the loving father he is, he offered me words of advice and reassured me that people make mistakes. He offered a hug and promised that him and Esme would love me no matter how many times I screwed up which resulted in a laugh from me. The protective side of Rose came out in me and I blurted out that maybe it would be better for Rose though if I left. That maybe her life would be easier if I was not around causing trouble for them an her. I spoke the words at the wrong time because Esme was walking in as I let the last word loose and she went all mother hen on me. She blocked the door and told me that it wouldn’t make anyone’s lives easier if I left especially not Rose’s. That she knew how Rose felt for me and no matter what would always be there by my side. Her words struck my hard as stone heart and I knew it was the truth. I apologized once again for the move and they both said no apologies were needed.

Christmas morning came and my angel was dressed in a Mrs. Clause outfit being all cheerful with me. We had exchanged gifts when I looked up and felt the urge to apologize to her for everything. I nearly had a few words out when she pressed her finger to my lips and said shush. “Emmett Dale McCarty you have nothing to apologize for. You are my husband and are always forgiven.” I knew then that our love could survive any hardship. At that time Rose was still letting me into her world and those few words were the best Christmas gift ever. The rest of the day we spent together and with the family. We actually listened to Christmas music and sat around listening to Edward play Oh Holy night on the piano. My first Christmas with my new family and it was the best. I cannot wait for this Christmas when we marry again.

My past

Finding out I was married and had a child before my change was one of the hardest things I have ever been through. The emotions crippled me. Don’t get me wrong I have the most amazing wife ever, Rose is my angel but to think I had a child before just blows me away. Its not that I regret Rose finding me and helping I just feel like a part of me is gone. The part of me that my son would have filled. I guess I could find comfort in knowing that I did have a child and loved him for the short week we had together and that he lived an amazing life.

In the midst of finding out about Levi and Ann-Marie I searched my brain trying to remember why I left them that day and was in the woods. Memories flashed before me of that day and the week before. Levi was only a week old, a newborn. He shared my curly blonde hair and had chubby cheeks. Had his mothers eyes and smile. I was exhausted and needed fresh air so I decided to go hunting and quick hike which landed me in the woods on that eventful day. Deep down inside me I want to feel angry at myself for leaving them that day and for not remembering them but I just cant be. My lifeless heart tells me that my destiny was not with them but was always meant for Rose.

I did some quick research the other day to find out more about my past. I found out that Ann-Marie and I had grown up together and was childhood friends. Her father and mine were close friends. We had waited till we were both 20 before getting married. Our love was supposedly what fairy tales were made of but honestly it was more of an we are comfortable together and just makes sense love not like what we and Rose have. We were married nearly a month before she became pregnant with Levi. I was an avid hunter and lovers of sports, something I have obviously held on to.

Stumbling upon something surprising though I discovered that I was religious person. I went to church when ever there was a function and lived my life by the ways of god. Born into a southern Baptist family it was all I ever knew. Actually I don’t even see why it surprises me that much. Even In the state that I am in now I have always still had a piece of me that believed in god. Believed that even we can be forgiven. Knowing this I would feel so much closer to who I am if me and Rose were to marry in a church this time around. That we commit eternity to each other in front of god cause only god knows how much I truly love Rose.

Goodbye

An Ocean Of Emotions

Ever had one of those week’s where everything is hectic and you feel every range of emotion possible. Well that’s this week for me..

The emotions that ran through me as I read the newspaper article were intense. I started having flashbacks of a girl-strawberry blonde, freckles, you could definitely say she was pretty. I knew she had to be the girl mentioned in the paper Ann-marie. I don’t remember anything from my human life so those flash’s scared me. Why now and who is she. I know reading the name triggered these memories so she must be someone important. My mind has not stopped going over who she could be since I read it. My actions have hurt Rose and it pains me to see her upset but I cant help it. My whole being is drawn to finding out who they are. I have never been so close to maybe finding out a piece of who I am.

Then Alice and Jasper leaving us hurt. Losing family always feels like a piece of you is being taken. Not only was I hurt that they left but so angry at them for doing this to the family. When I found out the truth as to why they left I was slightly relieved. Mixed feelings about fighting with the Volturi took over me. Either it was fight for them or lose our freedom and so I had to do what had to be done. The thought of never seeing Rose again or my family not surviving struck me hard. I pushed forward and fought for them. Never have I been happier to have won something. The relief of living another day with my angel and seeing my family took over and made me so happy